My experience with Hospice began on Christmas Eve over 12 years ago.  My sister, Laura was transferred to Denver Hospice that afternoon from UC Health.  She had been fighting cancer for nearly 10 months.  I couldn’t stop asking myself, “What is Hospice exactly?”  I really had no clue as to what Hospice was all about.  The place itself was huge and full of patients. Laura got the last room available. It was such a beautiful room, calm and peaceful, so different from her hospital room of the past week. The intake nurse explained all about Hospice and what we could expect for Laura’s last days. I asked her, “How can you work in a place like this?”

She replied, “On my first day of work here, after just a few hours, I went to the ladies’ room and cried for quite a while.  I came out and quit my job.  

 After two or three months, I came back because I realized this is what I was meant to do.”  Apparently this is pretty common with Hospice caregivers. We spent the next eleven days surrounded by the wonderful staff who took such good care of her as well as us, her extended family.  It was there that I learned what Hospice really meant.  I knew this experience had changed me and that someday I would be involved with Hospice.  It is my hope that we could have a facility like this in our community.

About two years later, I ran into Sean Jueng in the grocery store and shared my eye opening Hospice experience with her, knowing how involved she was. Not long afterwards, she invited me to take the volunteer training class here.  Three days after my training, I received a call as I was leaving work to visit a gal at the nursing home here in Glenwood Springs.  I was so nervous, it took me 20 minutes to get out of my truck.  When I walked in to meet Sue for the first time, I noticed she was covered in tattoos and piercings and I thought, “What am I getting myself into?”  All of my misconceptions fell away as we spent the next 2 hours getting to know one another.  In the many visits following, I never even noticed those tattoos and piercings again. I saw Sue for who she really was, not what she looked like or her disease. Even though I had agreed to weekly visits, I found myself stopping every day after work for the next several weeks, sometimes for more than an hour, other times, just a 15 minute check in.  I apologized to my wife for spending so much time with Sue, but she said, “Paul, you have given me all of the love I’ve ever needed and you still have more to share.”  When Sue moved back home to Parachute, I called her often on the phone and visited in person when I could.  She died almost a year after I met her. I visited with several other hospice patients for the next few months.

My mom, Sally found out she had breast cancer the same week my sister found out about her cancers, but she didn’t tell us until right before Laura passed away.  By then it had already spread to her bones.  In July of 2016, we found out that Dad’s lung cancer had returned with a vengeance. My wife, Maura took care of both of my parents because she was a teacher on summer break. When Mom could no longer leave the house, I suggested Hospice to her and she agreed.  Her personal caregiver from Hospice was a friend and she looked forward to Debbie’s coming every few days.  She also had a volunteer visit once or twice a week. They had so much in common.  Dad had a drain put in so we could relieve the pressure of the fluid around his lungs without rushing him to the ER every week.  He refused to go to the doctor and he also refused to sign up for Hospice care.  I guess he thought it was admitting defeat or something. We cared for both of them every day, until Maura had to go back to work the week before school started. We added 24 hour care for them and still came every day after work to be with them. Just a few weeks later, when he became so weak and needed the fluid to be drained every couple of days, I finally convinced him that Hospice could at least check on him when they came to see Mom because he wouldn’t let us or the hired caregivers help him.  The following morning when the girls from Hospice came to the house, he was really in bad shape.  I asked her to take care of him first and she did.  She let me know that the end was very near for him and to expect it that night.  He died two hours after she left.  It was August 25th, 2016, the second day of school.  Mom died exactly two weeks later, September 8th.  While I was there with each of them, the contrast between the two deaths is vastly different.  His was a struggle and hers was a peaceful, joyous reunion.  After Mom passed, Debbie came right away and bathed her, dressing her in a beautiful outfit and lovingly braided her hair. She left the house looking like a queen.

I am so thankful to have been through the training so that I could talk about dying with my mom and dad; knowing what to expect helped me so much.  I thank God daily for the care that He has given me. I took a break from Hospice for several months while mourning the loss of my parents. 

Ann, our volunteer coordinator, called one day saying, “Paul, I found your name way at the bottom of our volunteer list, are you interested in a new patient?” This particular family had not requested a volunteer visitor, but his nurse thought maybe it could help ease their concerns. I decided to give it a try. 

I drove up to Carbondale, walked up to the ranch house, and introduced myself. The patient’s wife teared up and I wondered what I had done to cause that. She said, “Nothing, it’s the first time in two weeks that I have seen my husband smile and he hasn’t even met you yet!”

That ended my trial period. I spent many weeks visiting this gentleman and his wife. He was in a wheelchair and a special table was built for him. Many visits were just spending time together. He had a hard time remembering things as well as talking.  There were some Christmas cards on the table that he really enjoyed looking at. One day I picked up the one that said JOY and began singing “Joy to the World” and with a big smile, he sang the whole song with me. Then I found a card with the American flag and we said the Pledge of Allegiance together. John was a veteran and he saluted that flag as he recited the pledge. Our times together seemed to be getting a little routine. One day I asked if I could rub his back. He said, “No way, I’m a cowboy and no one ever touches me.” Fifteen minutes later, he said we could give it a try. He really enjoyed it so we added that to our routine. We played simple games together and I created some puzzles using pictures of Mount Sopris and John Deere tractors. When his health declined and he spent more time in his recliner, I switched from rubbing his back to his feet after his initial cowboy refusal. Not long after that I could see that his body was shutting down. I walked into his room and his four sons were sitting with him. What a joy to chat with them and hear the stories that John tried to tell me but couldn’t finish due to his impaired speech or memory. We spent a few hours together and other family members showed up so I knew it was time for me to leave. One of the sons asked if I would come back again tomorrow. I let him know that I didn’t think his dad would make it through the night. I received the call around 8 that evening that he had passed.

My next patient was another longtime resident who I knew for many years but we were just acquaintances. His name was also John. I visited him on Saturdays because he had so many people in and out all week but got lonely on the weekends. He always remembered me and had a big smile when I showed up. After many months of visits, John moved to a care facility in Grand Junction. Even though he was no longer a Hospice patient, I couldn’t stop my visits. I made it a point to try and visit him in person once a week to keep our connection and friendship going.

I began seeing Bill as well. Time with him was very special for me because I heard a lot of history about Glenwood Springs and the valley. Even though I grew up here, his stories and memories went back many years before me.  He was always glad to see me walk in and told me to please hurry back anytime. My last visit with him was on Christmas Eve and he passed away within a few hours that night and John passed two days later.

My time with Hospice patients has created many special memories for me.  And it has definitely taught me how important Hospice Care is.  We are so blessed to have Hospice of the Valley in our local communities. April is Volunteer Recognition Month and I would like to say a huge THANK YOU to all of my fellow volunteers and board members. Hospice would not be a part of these communities if it weren’t for our many volunteers and supporters.

Paul Carlson is a volunteer for Hospice of the Valley and also serves on the board of directors.

Hospice of the Valley is an independent, local nonprofit serving Garfield, Eagle, and Pitkin counties. Hospice provides compassionate and dignified care when you or your loved one is facing a life-limiting condition. This Hospice provides end-of-life care that provides comfort for your Mind, Body, and Spirit. Hospice care can be provided at home, at an assisted living facility, at a long-term care setting, or even at a hospital.

Hospice services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week as needed. The Hospice care team includes: Your personal care physician, a Hospice Medical Director, Registered Nurses, Certified Nursing Assistants, Social Workers, Chaplains, Dieticians, Physical, Speech and Occupational Therapists, Volunteers and Bereavement Counselors. This team provides the support you and your loved ones need so that you can have quality time together and be surrounded with peace, comfort, and dignity. For more information, visit hchotv.org.